Thursday 8 December 2022

Tears And Tantrums

After being reminded last night how much the green-eyed monster hated me I found myself struggling with my thoughts. Try as I do to move on, when I'm reminded, the thought that someone genuinely hates me and blames me for their own mistake does still hurt. Apparently someone else had had to be corrected on the same old story that she'd repeated to them, this sleeping dog will never be left to lie! I had noticed her lack of compassion over the loss of Junior, but have also been told that will be her taking pleasure in digging the knife in further. Moving on ...
This morning found my mother in a very sharp mood. My brother had suggested organising Sunday lunch out for the five of us before Xmas. As she doesn't want a "Xmas get together" I thought it was a great idea, but her response was not as I imagined. I feel some days we can't do right for wrong, especially my brother who seems to get the brunt of it. Having already seen the weather forecast for Saturday, well I'm not afraid to admit that I cried after coming off the phone and I haven't really stopped since. Mum is entitled to be sharp and bitter, but we have all experienced great loss this year. I guess I'm lucky to have Steve and my dogs to turn to. 
So the forecast is snow from midnight on Friday through to Saturday afternoon. This morning it was heavy snow that was forecast, now it does seem to be showers. Derek forecast a "sprinkling" of snow in 2017 and we know how that ended up. I guess I am feeling a little sorry for myself, but after one of the worst years of my adult life I really could do with a day out at the LKA on Saturday. If I'm to continue holding it together, then I need just a bit of escapism ...  This is the third year when I've experienced multiple deaths, with 2007 and 2012 also being beyond heartbreaking. 
Loki is better today, and was able to come on the walk. He is still knuckling the front right a little so we didn't go far. I still don't think it's anything to do with his condition, just that slip in the yard and hopefully a pulled muscle or something. I tried to get a photo of Ross as he was watching Sammi, but Loki photobombed ... it has made the photo, love it. The top photo of Siska, Orin and Kaiah was also a favourite today.