This morning as I went out into the front garden emotion took over and I couldn't stop myself from crying. Telling Steve about it, he said I know and he himself then struggled to fight back the tears.
Oliver is not the cat he was, he is now a shadow of his former self. He is so thin and frail, honestly he is almost unrecognisable. His appetite fluctuates, some days he eats well other days he eats very little at all. Yesterday he ate 2 sachets and a handful of dreamies - today he doesn't fancy them. There is nothing I can do other than go with it and buy bits and treats to help tempt his fading appetite. He's loved the warm sun of the last weeks, but the forecast for next week is more Wintry than Springlike so I hope he stays indoors.
It's not yet a year since we lost Billy and we also lost Tia in September, sadly I can see the same pattern now with Oliver. Hand on heart I can't see he'll make the Summer ... Bless you Oliver - That big beautiful cat is such a frail old man now, ever day with good quality of life will be precious.
Maybe my emotional state is down to the usual, predictable and frustrating fatigue. I'm not afraid to admit here that I'm struggling today and almost fell asleep at the table whist out on pre mothers day lunch with my parents. These days I'm not use to people asking or noticing really, which is fine, but today my mother noticed .. as a mother would I guess. I try to hide it, I'm always "fine" but even through the make up today I couldn't hide the exhaustion. I've also been considering my hair colour may not help. Over the last year I've been colouring it as close as I could to my natural colour, my logic being that when my roots came through it was less noticeable. It made great sense until I realised how grey my roots where. Since my SAH I have days when my pale skin is whiter than white and this morning I looked like Caspar with a wig so I've come to the conclusion that maybe I should go back to blonde hair. Make sense?
On the way home from the lunch I had the lecture from my nearest and dearest about doing too much and how I should be telling people how I feel. (if you know him you'll no doubt be shouting "hypocrite!") What is there to tell? People have heard it for years, there bored with it now. Today I was tired, beyond tired, but I could eat and mostly follow the conversation. I wanted to go, I wanted to be there and see my parents and it would have disappointed them so much had we cancelled. He got that, but he said that I should know better than to make plans on consecutive days. I guess he's right, but I also wanted to go yesterday. Hell I want to live my life and usually I do make it to 2 ish or even later before it catches up on me. Today was just a bad day, one of fewer these days but still days I have to prepare for and get through!
I've spent a fascinating afternoon with Maya, Asha's sister at the vets in Mochdre where she has just completed her 10 week treadmill hydrotherapy course. Following a slipped disc and a trapped nerve Maya could barely walk 2 months ago. She is doing so well it's fantastic to see her. Great to talk to the staff there today and hear about how successful this kind of treatment is .. though I think my lot would just prefer to jump in the pool!
There's a bit of a crisis in Ross' world.. the foam core has gone out of the precious Aqua Kong .. so now it sinks. Any ideas? I've stuffed it with a sponge, you know the things you get in medicine bottles, but as Steve says it will probably fill up with water and sink! But I had to try. Maybe I'll take it in the bath with me tonight to see. And you think I'm joking???
I have contacted "Kong" and got an automated response .. they will get back to me within two weeks, no rush then! Thank god we have a spare! To keep them precious Ross only has the kong on walk so he can not be accused of pulling the core out, actually it was there when we set off for Llyn Ffynhonnau yesterday and lost on route. Not good really is it .. damn thing is no bloody use if it doesn't float, anyone got a snorkel he can borrow?
The law states, apparently, that it's down to us to keep them out and not down to the farmer to keep them in. In the interest of their animals don't you think it would be better if they tried though? Following the cock up by Scottish Power last Summer we are fighting a daily battle to keep the sheep out of our fields. Don't ever tell me these are stupid creatures again, they are not and they are bloody determined. We fix one area they pull down another bit, they jump the fence from the top field to the bottom field like it's an agility course. The climb over the walls, they knock down the walls, they stand on the walls and jump the fencing that's on top of the walls. Their determination to get in here is unbelievable, and who can blame them when we have great grass if you compare it to their side of the fence.
After clearing the fields twice yesterday I took Nico and Jezi out for a run only to be caught out by one sheep who had got back into the top field within minutes. Luckily Nico is bomb proof and Jezi got a gold star for her recall ... but the bloody think panicked and tried to get out. By the looks and weight of her I would say she was heavily pregnant and should not have been attempting the jumps anyway. She jumped the stock fencing and then got herself caught up in the single wire that runs along the top of the post. It was panic stations for us then, I did not want a strangled sheep in the field. God knows how but between us we managed to release her only to have the next problem, she couldn't get over the wall. It did Steve and I no favours to help, but what could we do?
I can't imagine this was the sheep that spent last Summer with us .. or she sure has let herself go! Haha. Poor girl I hope she's ok .. no doubt she and her mates will be back later!
Sometimes I love to walk alone, me the dogs, nature and the camera. Sometimes I love company, especially the company of my man. Bless him he struggles and the walk back is always slow and difficult, and though he'll now suffer for the rest of the day he says it's always worth it. He loves going out with Ross as he's so much fun ...
It's so much quieter here today, I guess now day 25 since "first blood" and things are finally settling, hopefully by mid to the end of the week we'll be back to normal. Ian was kind enough to get bones for me which helped Ross in the pen and Kaiah whilst it was her turn to be confined in her crate. The bones where only for the two of them .. but Asha had other ideas!
Our new vet beds came today. I got a roll of 5M x 1.52 meters for a great price and I'm chuffed to bits with it. It looks great in the living room and the boys are proud to model it here.
Along with the staring and clingyness poor Oliver is starting to go off his food. I will try buying him sachets now and hope they will help us for a while. I can't help but feel the dread of - so it begins again!
Day 24 and the madness continues. Loki is still squawking and squeaking, Ross left his breakfast and Nico is sexually harassing poor Junior. I have a feeling that tomorrow it maybe calmer.
Kaiah and I where dropped off in Penmorfa and walked down the path at the foot of "Graig Dre," (The Mountain in Tremadog) past the hospital and the primary school that I attended, and then along the path to my parents house. It's very odd to walk one dog, very calm I guess .. but a lot less fun for me and her. Hopefully it won't be long until we are back to normal.
Maybe I'm crazy but this was Riley's blanket and I've never been able to use it or even look at it without thinking of Riley. I've taken it out to use several times in 6 years, yes it's been well over 6 years, but I always put the blanket back unused. It's so hard to loose one so young, I can't explain the hurt it causes and the heartache that always remains.
There is always comfort when an animal has lived a full, active, happy and loved life. With time you always look back with a smile instead of a tear, but to loose them so young you always feel cheated of the life you should have had together. That pain never goes away, and though I've lost dogs who where far too young, now 6 years on I feel more haunted by Riley's loss than any of the others.
So the blanket, I've kept it safe and sound, Riley's blanket ... and yesterday I took it out and actually put it over one of the cat cushions. Today I can't stop thinking about Riley .. we'll see how we go, whether the blanket stays out .. or returns to a hidden place of safety later in the day.
Yesterday as the judge went over Loki he asked me to show the teeth .. some judges do it themselves, but the "old school" and breed specialist judges tend to ask you to show the mouth. Anyway I was shocked to see that Loki had 2 broken teeth. Two of the top incisors, top right side are broken in half. How the bloody hell did he do that? And when did he do it? Without doubt his mouth was correct and complete when I last showed his teeth to the judge at the show in St Helens in February, but at Caernarfon the judge looked herself so I would not have noticed. I must admit I was quite shocked, it would have taken quite a knock to break 2 teeth like that and I can't link it to any incident.
As far as the show career is concerned it may affect it, it may not. Both the teeth are there and it's obviously an injury not a genetic abnormality. I noticed it yesterday, the judge did not, or if he did then it did not affect the placing. I'll see how it goes I think and if it does ever affect things then I will get a covering letter from the vet.
A lovely day at Llandudno C.S Show today, the atmosphere I was expecting was absent. Ross won his class and I was told look fantastic in Tracy's hands in the challenge. But it was not to be, and who the fuck do you think got BOB? Well our Loki, again! (Sorry .. but some of you will understand the profanity!) So proud of the boys ... With group 4 under Loki's collar too that's another two points .. we are getting there! Loki says .. "look no handler!"
Just back from the vets with Kaiah and Asha. Kaiah had infected anal glands. The vet could not believe she had not shown any signs of pain/discomfort. But She hasn't, she's a stoic little girl and as she lives in the house I would have noticed any difference in her behaviour, had their been any! It was only because she was smelly that I had a look at her bottom which was covered in a dirty discharge.
You may recall all the dogs got itchy after swimming in the toad and frog infested lake a couple of weeks ago but they all stopped scratching within a day or two .. apart from dear Asha. The first lot of tablets finished and she was itchy again within a day or two, so today as we where going we went to discuss the itching with her vet and for her to have an MOT. She's had a course of steroids now to try, but I'm really pleased with his comments on her condition. Though Asha now has the tiniest of heart murmurs he said she had the body condition of a 7 year old. (She's fast approaching 11) I'm so chuffed. Also now weighing 29kg he said her weight was spot on .. (unlike the 34kg of her former years - I had stopped calling her fat Asha after her big diet a couple of years ago!) Kaiah was also weighed and is exactly the same as she was at just under 28kg. Both the girls behaved impeccably at the vets, though Asha did loose the plot a little when she saw her best mate Sharon Britnell.
The last two days things have gone up a notch here. I think Kaiah must have ovulated around day 19 - Day 21 and today 22 and the boys are now wound up. I do miss Mikey to confirm it with his 6am howls but Loki's squeaking will have to do. So I'm surmising from what I've seen that today, day 22 would be the right day to mate her ... I hope these post on Kaiah's season are not too boring but I need them for future reference. If her next season is the same it'll stop me from panicking when she doesn't seem to be progressing early in her season .. well maybe it won't!!!
These bitches are all so different, following a test Asha was mated on day 10 and 12, Sammi around day 17 .. but the complicated part is that season in the same bitch can vary too!
Old man Oliver is looking frail these days and spends a lot of time staring at me. I wonder what he's thinking? Bless him, he's so affectionate with me but no one outside Steve and I ever gets to see him let alone touch him.