I'm still finding it hard to come to terms with the events of last week. What haunts me is that George went to bed "alone" on Xmas Eve and just didn't wake up again. He had plans for Xmas day and if Fadi is to be believed he was looking forward to the day, he had plans for Boxing day and plans for his music in the near future. It really scares me, it makes me realise we should make the most of everyday, whether it's a lazy day on the sofa or a trip out with the friends, we really need to make the most of it all don't we. Steve has tried to comfort me by saying that if you have to go then it's the best way to go, far better than suffering for months waiting for it to happen. I guess he's right, it maybe better for the person, but shattering for the people left behind.
George was so much to me and many other. He was my comfort blanket, my safety net. He was the one I turned to in my darkest hours, I shared all my emotions with him and got myself together because of him. It's so sad that he did not realise his own worth. A lot of the time he had his life set on the destruction button, he disliked the way he looked, he was haunted by the black dog and spent long periods of his life secluded, hidden away from the limelight. Sadly he obviously had an addictive personality and maybe used methods to comfort himself that we would not consider.. But that did not make him a bad man, it simply made him vulnerable.
So now the PM results are inconclusive which means more time for his family waiting for answers. But whatever the conclusion Jack will be burying his son, his sisters their brother, and his friend will be saying their final farewell shortly. Nothing will change that, a man died, whatever the cause a man has died well before his time.
My wish, for what it's worth would be that his funeral is a private affair and not turned into a media circus. George was a private man who shunned the limelight, he deserves to go out with dignity with only the people that are precious to him around him. The gutter press of course may see it very differently!