My first drive up on the improved track to walk the guys today. It was never going to be easy and I cried so much I was almost sick. Orin exploded into the van ready for the last walk, but his noisy sparing partner wasn't there to greet him and the silence was deafening. It was never meant to be like this, for the life of me I can't forgive the decisions I made, they continue to torture me. Forgiving others is easy, but I've now discovered that forgiving myself is proving to be impossible.
