I just can't get my head around it, Kaiah was bouncing around this house like an idiot this morning. With a change of routine I think she thought it was another show day, instead I took her to her death. No kind words or even criticism of my decision could make me feel better or worse, the grief and the guilt are overwhelming, worse than ever, and I didn't think that was possible.
Kaiah was spayed, a routine operation, but though her heart was beating strongly, no matter what they did they could not get her to breath and she died without saying goodbye. How do I move on knowing a decision I made took her life? How do I ever forgive myself for this? I was so fed up with hormonal Hannah and all the tension she caused, I just thought it was time to get rid of her and give Kaiah a happy, peaceful life. How wrong was I, how devastated we all are!
