Last Day Of Spring

 

Siska And Food

 Three meals in a row eaten, this morning's rejected so it was put away and no alternate offered or anything added. 

I'm not playing the game!

Happy 6th Birthday Ross

Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou

"I created a man in the image of a good friend who the world could love, who could make all my dreams come true and make me a star and I named him George Michael."

That Could Have Been A Disaster

Another sleepless night as I'm haunted by my memories and thoughts. As soon as I close my eyes my head fills with images of Kaiah. The guilt becomes overwhelming, I have to get up, and take myself away from the situation. I'm really trying hard but especially at that time of the night, self forgiveness is not an option. 

The fields are beautiful at the moment, full of wild flowers, but my god today I couldn't have stayed there long for the pollen, so went out in front of Plas Braich and around Twll Braich. (the deep quarry hole) Steve said that after I got back the dogs smelt strongly of pollen, no wonder I couldn't breath.

With the lack of sleep I made what could have been a disastrous error this morning, I didn't shut the door properly between the living room and the middle room. Ross noticed and followed by Sammi then Orin they all barged through. Zeus stood by the outside door and the brothers came face to face, I saw Ross and Sammi make a hasty retreat back to the living room. Zeus was showing off his best Colgate smile, Orin probably too but I could only see his bum and hear the grumbling... I expected a huge fight any second, then Siska pushed through the middle and went out into the garden. 

Thankfully, Zeus decided a game with Siska was far more appealing than a fight with his brother and
ran out after her ... I grabbed Orin by the collar and Steve came in to take him through. The last time I made such an error with brothers was many moons ago with Dexi and Simba, with pretty disastrous consequences at the time! I've always said that when keeping same sex sibling human error is what let's them down! Anyway, thankfully Orin is not confrontational, and it was not a disaster, but it did leave me weak and shaking. 

Siska is still messing with food, I'm getting worried, I hope I'm just overthinking things as she's full of fun and naughtiness! 

Warm Out There

Bath Champ Show

Sorry for the delay in posting. Thanks to everyone who shared their day at Bath Champ show with me. I had a lovely time with only one meltdown due to compassionate words which were kindly spoken but maybe at the wrong time. Thanks to Bev and Heulwen for putting me back together so I could enjoy the rest of the day. I was happy with the Blanik boys, both getting a third in their classes, Callan in PGD and Orin in LD. Siska looked lovely in PGB and for a change actually put a bit of effort into it, but I have to admit I was disappointed with her result. Hell you all know my obsessions with pasterns and feet, I'll say no more! Sadly no photos of the boys in the ring and just a couple of Siska. I really enjoyed having a night away, thanks to Bethan, Darryl and Marian for making it possible and to Steve for looking after the gang at home. Thanks Sarah for the card and flowers, they made it safely back to Wales. It really was great to catchup and chat with important friends that I hadn't seen in far too long. (Katrina and Yvette) Well done to Sarah and Sully on Best Veteran and I hope Ellie remembers the Welsh lessons! lol Thank you as always for your handling. Like I said, thanks to all my mates for a great time, but especially Orin and Siska who were faultless in their behaviour throughout the time away, and as ever they just take everything I throw at them in their stride. They are amazing, I'm so proud! 

Snaps From Bath

 

Nico 16/4/11 - 26/5/22

A beautiful, affectionate dog with a kind soul. A dog who has truly left his mark on Blanik's future. Always loved, always missed. All these photos were taken on the 24/5/22 - appearing to be the picture of health, but obviously hiding the truth, So hard to believe they don't show us a thing isn't it. Continue to fly high my Scottish boy, and thank you for everything you gave us. 

Tomorrow

Someone told me, don't look back with regret, look forward with hope. Tomorrow will be a difficult day, the anniversary of loosing Nico, and the beginning of the downward spiral that followed. Though I guess I'd like to sit at home and sink further into self-pity, I can't, plans have been made. Tomorrow Siska, Orin and myself are off with friends and staying the night close to the venue of Bath Championship show. I'm not used to staying away, and this will be the second time this year. Wow I think the last time before this year was when I was in hospital, and that was 2015!

I took the beautiful portrait of Kaiah to the framing shop in Penygroes, I guess it'll be a little dear, but it needs doing properly and I'd be scared that we'd do a botch job. I did embarrass myself and burst into tears in the shop, but I just can't control my emotions at present. 

So tomorrow, I hope is the beginning of another chapter in life. I know the grief will linger long and hard, but let's hope the sadness fades and that as we come to and face this anniversary that there are brighter, happier days ahead.

Celebrating With Siska

Super night at club last night - thanks to Mum for a lovely cake and to the class members who celebrated with us -it was a full house!

Remembering Kaiah

 People are so kind - over the last week I've received two gifts in memory of Kaiah. This one came from Christine, who I barely know. As she shows more on the "English" side of the breed we tend to enter different shows, I've met her a handful of times, but we've always exchanged pleasantries ... how kind can you be?

Today another parcel came, OMG I was in tears, still am, this is just so beautiful. Thank you so much Carol and Debbie. My photo does it no justice as the plastic wrapper makes it look distorted, but for now it's safer in the wrapper. We will take it to the shop in Penygroes to get it framed tomorrow ... and this is my favourite headshot of Kaiah. Thanks for your kindness ... 

Siska, Orin And Things

These two are doing well together. Well, there was no reason why the friendship wouldn't continue, though he won't be bullied by her! One thing that I'm not too pleased about is that she now follows him about, and he goes just a tad too far for comfort sometimes. She was always glued to her mother and as Kaiah stayed a sensible distance from me, so did she! I've not had an emergency situation to call them back from yet, I'm hopefully she will respond as quickly as she did with Kaiah at her side, but with everyone still readjusting, I guess it's wait and see. 

Siska has her spark back now and is eating so much better. After this weekend it'll be down to dog food only and no extras, well only the extras they all get. Potato skins done in the air fryer till they are crispy are a current favourite treat. 

I'm still finding it hard to go to sleep, I still see Kaiah's face as soon as I close my eyes, and then I'm tortured by my thoughts. I can't talk about her and crumbled yesterday as my mother bought her up in conversation. I think it'll be a very long time till I can talk about her without being emotional. I still can't make sense of it, I guess I never will. I continue to see Kaiah bouncing in the yard that morning, such a happy, health girl, full of fun, full of life. We were walking today and I got so angry, she should have been there, this surgery was supposed to give us happier times. How the hell did it all go so wrong? 

On Friday it will be the anniversary of the first painful deaths here in the last 12 months. We knew Jezi only had months then, but to lose Nico before her after only days of illness was such a huge shock, little did we know what was to follow. This time last year my Father was still alive, I had 10 dogs and 7 cats. How harshly we have been punished over the last year is beyond understanding, but as I've said losing Kaiah has been the worst, ever. As much as it hurts you can cope and understand the loss of an old animal, even the loss of a young animal who's been ill, but this has broken me beyond compare. 

On Friday afternoon I'm travelling with Bethan and Darryl to Bath, we are staying overnight for the show on Saturday. I'm really hoping that I can focus on the positive, and for the sake of myself and others that I can keep it together and enjoy a days showing with Orin, and Kaiah's kids Siska and Callan. 

Today's Adventures

Zeus' Morning Out

A short but scenic walk in Tremadog, only slightly ruined by the sounds of a busy road! Ah well we can't have everything! The Hawthorn is fantastic this year, now I wonder if that means it will be rich of berries in the Autumn? My Nain always said if the gorse was full of flower it would be a wet Summer and if the Hawthorn was full of berries it would be a cold Winter, we'll see!!!!

I saw Paul Jones, Mum didn't remember him 😲 I was totally besotted with him back in the day. He was such a perfect, good-looking young man with a lovely personality ... going to work was a pleasure, he was always out of my league, but I was glad he was my friend. 

Zeus was super, but stayed on his lead, such a bloody shame in such an open space but yesterday morning was still all too fresh in my mind. He had it on him and wouldn't come in, not even his mother managed to convince him to come, we had delivery men watching at the gate and Linda laughing instead of helping! Friends eh! LOL 

Cwm Dulyn

Sadly not everyone got to go, in future I could double up Loki with Sammi, but he'd already done the fields this morning so it may have been too much for him to go again today, still for next time it's a great plan on action. 

The Usual Suspects

 

Legends of the breed adding quality into our bloodlines and influencing future generations.  But of course there is always issues with excess, as breeders double up over and over again; with the good genes come the bad, sometimes less is more! Orin has been bred "out of the box" and has no lines to these males, surely more breeders will see the light and consider using dogs of alternate bloodlines on their line bred bitches or we really will dig this beautiful breed that we love into a huge hole! 

My Family

This Weekend

The hunger strike continues - babies would have been due this weekend so I'll be patient for a few more days, but it's really frustrating! Changes are afoot as she's quite full of herself again now, and is bulling Sammi, sorry it's not going to happen! 

Sunshine But No Show

When There's No Show

You Can Chill

Tomorrow we should have been going to The Royal Welsh. Unfortunately, Steve is really not well so it's a no-go. It's one of my favourite open shows with a stunning drive through rural Wales to get to it. Ah well, as much as I need the odd day out it's currently impossible.

Taz And Other Puppies

I wish I'd known then what I know now, if I'd have known I'd be in this situation I'd never have turned down the opportunity of having this beautiful bitch. It seems I have a habit of making the wrong decisions and for them to come back and bite me on the bum! As I'm sure you can tell this is an Orin daughter, he could never deny it, from his first litter to Arya. God it does make you think, we need to bite the bullet, grab our chances when they are there for us, life is for living and grabbing with both hands and not leave to regret later. I made a subtle enquiry about buying her now, her father would lend me the money I'm sure, but of course she is a well-loved pet and no amount of money is understandably ever enough is it! 

Maybe my vulnerable state is making me consider drastic actions, but I honestly did map out a route to those Vesco pups, good thing they are 4hrs18 mins away, in the light of day it was the wrong call. If I bring in another bitch it has to be an Orin daughter or one I could mate to him in future, these Vesco pups are out of a Fransisco daughter, with her mother line one I haven't researched of course, well as I came to my senses I had no need to.

I had another stud enquiry for O yesterday, a lovely LSH Polish import who I've seen a couple of times. I think his stud fee frightened them away, but I don't think he's expensive, I paid the same for his dad over three years ago, and it's still hundreds less than half the price of one puppy in the current market! Steve is ill in bed and I'm sitting here considering my options, shall I contact them and suggest I have a S/C bitch out of the litter rather than the stud fee? I could study the pedigree and get help from Katrina in an evening. But with the bitch being a LSH and Orin carrying the gene would there be any S/C bitches? A risk to take! Also, I always worry about bringing bitches in, but Sammi is very non-confrontational and Siska seems to get on with everything .. I don't know, like I said the sadness is not making me think straight - I need to give myself time to heal and I guess reevaluate the situation at a later date! 

National Critique

Excuse My Sarcasm

Thanks to the Kennel Club for finally sending out Kaiah's Stud Book Number certificate, which she won last August! If it had been sent out earlier, we could have celebrated it, now I've shoved it back in the envelope and put it away. I was so proud on the day, but now there is nothing but sadness. 

Out With My Gang

One Week On

It's been a week since our nightmare began. Yesterday and this morning I keep going through this time last week we did this, or that, or it was her last meal or walk or whatever. I'm trying not to do it, but I can't help it, I'm clock watching. I swear I've not known grief like this before, I've not known hurt like this and my god I've experienced so much loss of amazing family members over the years. If only I could turn the clock back and tell myself not to go... 

I have to start to deal with it, I have to try and get it together for the sake of the ones who need me, and for my own sake or this state of mind will surely make me ill. 

Kaiah bach we miss you so much, my heart may heal in time but I'll never ever forget you. You gave me so much joy, you will always be my special surprise package. 

K Girls

 Three of Sammi's lovely daughters to Fransisco

Isla, Jazz and Ginger 

Walks

Happy walk with the three, though Ross annoying Sammi as usual!

This walk is now so peaceful and quiet, not that Kaiah was the one causing the trouble, it was Siska continually annoying her that was the issue. God I miss her so much, I just hope for the sake of the pack that I can come to terms with this situation sooner than later. 

Freedom in the field this afternoon