Who Is The Idiot Then?

Last night was quite an important night for some of the dog club members, the celebration of their first champion and the second within the club this year. I'd bought cake and bubbles ready to go but was still feeling so washed out that I could hardly face it. Steve of course didn't want me to go but I love my friends so much that I just had to be there with them. Besides I hoped the distraction may helps! As the day went on more and more people made excuses for not coming .. maybe excuses in most cases is harsh, people have lives outside of club and so many people seem to be struggling. This is not a criticism of people who genuinely cant be there, just a little dig at those who continually let the side down and leave the work to the rest of us. Though I loved sharing the night with my lovely friends I did feel taken advantage of, I'd got the cake and bubbles myself, got it all organised, cleared up after the "Party" and expected that myself and Ian would be cleaning again! Thankfully not, three members did offer to clean the floors and lock up at least, for that I'm so grateful. But I will be honest after last nights I am considering my options again, I refuse to be the dogs body again, been there and done it for far too many years. To be honest, now I'm worried that going last night may well have hindered my chance of recovering before the show tomorrow, I simply can't go if I'm like this.
I've been feeling so ill for most of the week that it's really getting to me. Nothing helps, I've tried everything for paracetamol, to codeine to cannabis oil. I've tried resting and going out into the fresh air, all with no improvements. As I start getting paranoid the only comfort I get is from chatting to Paula who was at Walton with me having suffered the same condition. She seems worse than me and tells me that even after an evening meal out with friends it takes her 2 days to recover. She has found nothing to improve her head and the fatigue just hits her and lingers. I feel so sorry for her as she has since lost her sight in her left eye and now only has partial sight in the right eye. Feck, stop moaning Rhian!
In Welsh we have a saying "pawb ai fys lle mai ddolur"  I can't translate it but it's so apt right now. Maybe each to their own ailments/worries, I don't know it doesn't translate with any effect! So right now Rhian is feeling sorry for Rhian, LOL. I'm struggling like hell and wonder when there will be an end to it. I googled Fatigue and I have all but three of the classic symptoms .. of course I could never get the decreased appetite .. quite the opposite ... "Give me Chocolate!" Again rightly or wrongly it helps to read it and realise,  that is what it is .. I was told I'd have to live with it so deal with it. Listed are these ailments - chronic tiredness or sleepiness, headache, dizziness, sore or aching muscles, muscle weakness, slowed reflexes and responses, impaired decision-making and judgement, moodiness, such as irritability, impaired hand-to-eye coordination, appetite loss, reduced immune system function, blurry vision, short-term memory problems, poor concentration, hallucinations, reduced ability to pay attention to the situation at hand, low motivation. (Spot the ones I haven't got ..lol) "Normal fatigue is time- limited and alleviated by rest, whereas 'pathological' fatigue, such as that experienced following brain injury, may be present most of the time. It may not improve with rest and is likely to significantly impact on people being able to do the activities they want to do." Well feck that I'm going to the shows .. I'll just moan about it later.
Hopefully it will pass over the next few days. I knew after the Suffolk journey that it would happen, I'm prepared for it before hand but still can't seem to cope when it lingers for over a week like this. I just hope that Steve is wrong that because I went last night because others didn't that I haven't jeopardized my chance of getting to the show tomorrow.
I know there are friends out there who will listen but I do worry they walk away thinking OMG she's moaning again. I do worry that people think I'm playing on it, honestly I never would. I hate feeling like this. I worry some think badly of me as I constantly hear "You look so well." Mostly I do, but nearest and dearest see the eyes, the ridiculously pale skin and notice the other failings, moods and emotions. It was just so hard to be happy smiling Rhian last night .. but I think I got away with it and I'll just moan about it here. Thanks for reading .. as ever it helps me to write, a little weight is now lifted off .... Sorry for the self indulgence!