Facebook post

I posted on Facebook - "Our show season is over. 6 weeks off for us now. In 2019 we've won with pride and lost with dignity. (I hope!!) Kaiah decided she didn't want babies, I cried so much I can't tell you. I've grieved the loss of something that was never there. Anyway time to move on, rebuild, make new plans and look forward to the future with my lovely family (human and canine) and my wonderful friends. Thanks to everyone who shared the roller coaster with me again this year. Onward and forward (Yes I know!!) This is my favourite photo today of the Young Guns doing what we love to do best, the walks this mountain and my camera help to keep me going...."

They were things that needed saying, and there were reasons. I hope I do loose with dignity, of course I have an inward strop and even laughed out loud when Kaiah was beaten at one show. But that was no disrespect to the other exhibitors - only to the judge! Haha, No, Seriously there are times when I just don't get it, but it is the judge's opinion on the day. I moan about it in the van on the way home or even on here, but never take it out on the other exhibitors, hell they are usually my friends anyway! Such a shame that one person, the same one every time, spits the dummy out and causes unnecessary tension around the ring. Such a shame she is upsetting everyone, even the partners of exhibitors. If you can't loose, if you can't play the game then for fucks sake stay at home! Oh ... and even when I'm not there she has to have a dig .. does she not realise it all comes back to me? ... and I do notice her comments on other exhibitors posts and the fact she chooses to ignore mine, hell I don't care, I know she reads them and it pisses her off .. happy days! OMG I'm turning quite spiteful in my old age, well I only giving back what I've had to endure!

I decided to come clean about Kaiah. Not many people knew really but questions about why I hadn't entered certain shows started to come up. I'm not afraid to admit putting it out there for the public really got me. I sobbed my heart out last night, I really was inconsolable there for a while but as is always the case crying it out does help me accept and to move on. I guess I'd been distracting myself so much with my Sisco plans that there was still a lot of pent up grief to come out. I was so looking forward to Xmas, the most perfect Xmas was in 2013 with a stunning litter nursing in the kitchen, I had so hoped to have that again.  Ah well, the tree can stay in the box to "Louis" day.
I know there have been some snide remarks about my daily photos .. again from the same quarters .. but you know I don't care. If you don't like them then don't fecking look. Simples. My days can be long now. My morning are busy yes, but after cleaning and walking - well what do i do? I edit the photos from the morning walks and post them in albums so I can treasure my memories. Then of course the neuro fatigue strikes and I sleep....