Dog Show Dreads

Some of you who read this only know me through my words. Some of you have known me a few years, others have known me a life time. Those who have known me the longest will know that try as I do not to be, I'm a pretty sensitive person. Sometimes I can laugh off a quip or a sarcastic remark, but sadly later I'm bound to dwell on it. I also hate confrontation and more often than not I'd sooner walk away than get into an argument. Of course there are always exceptions, and over the years like anyone in life I've exchanged some unpleasant words with some people.
Those who are closest to me will therefore understand where I'm coming from now. Though they may feel I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill they will know that my remarks and thoughts are genuinely worrying me. Following a conversation last night I am honestly dreading the next local dog show. I have one further afield this weekend and I'm looking forward to that, but the thought of  the local one the following weekend is already playing on my mind. For years it's been so good, a nice atmosphere, support and friendship, but that's all now gone bouncing out of the window. It can't be more true, the more you win the deeper the knife sticks in your back. As far as I know I've done nothing to warrant the ill feeling only that my dogs keep winning, but it bothers me so much that I'm already mulling it over and over in my mind. I hate an atmosphere, I hate the unnecessary tension, I hate that now one of the group has turned their back on me, well us really. But what can I do? I'm still being blamed for things I had no control over, it seems the person involved needs someone to blame when things don't go to plan and it seems that person is me. It's easy for you to say, "walk away, turn your back, take no notice," but it's not that easy for me; I'm too bloody sensitive and because for years I've considered the person a friend it's even harder. I am who I am and I can't change that.

Honestly I have knots in my stomach just thinking about it now. One thing is for sure, I've had a huge eye opener. I've defended the person so much for years, how could I have been so wrong? I will not be forgiven, it's all my fault, hell I of all the people there could do nothing about the situation that arose on the day! Really, is it not your own responsibility to make sure you are in the right place at the right time? Though of course the support of  friends should always, and is always on offer. In the circumstances on the day everything that should/could have been done was done. With the information available nothing else could be done. Seriously we've been playing this game long enough to know the rules of the game haven't we?
Of course it will not make me stay at home. I would never let this childish behaviour ruin my hobby, I have a great team of friends and supporters around me. But I will be glad to go further afield, I will be glad to enjoy a nice relaxed show without the tension and atmosphere that has sadly affected our local shows over the last year or so ...