Saying Goodbye

If loosing a dog leaves a hole in your heart then mine must be like a fecking sieve. It never ever gets easier, the heartbreak of loss is so intense that the body feels physically sick. Though people can give you strength and support, nothing can give you comfort. You know you are letting them go because you love them but that nagging doubt remains .. "what if?" Even when the vet struggles to find a vein because the dog has "collapsed" your brain is in overdrive  .. "but if we tried?" But no, you stay strong, it kills you but you know you are doing the right thing by your beloved dog.
They come into this world into my hands and it's my arms that holds them as they leave. I talk to them quietly, tell them I love them, thank them for sharing their lives with me and I hold them close to try and reassure them.. As they drift away to that forever sleep your heart breaks, the tears flow and you feel inconsolably distressed.  Another Blanik life is over, another star that shone brightly in your life goes out forever.
Today I wonder why do I do it? Why do I put myself through so much pain and heartache? Today I feel I can take no more of the pain of loss .. tomorrow I may feel the same ... but in time I know I'll look back at the treasured memories and feel blessed for having shared my life with her ... and so many other wonderful Blaniks.