Mixed Emotions

The gabapentin and Preds (steroids) are definitely making a difference and giving Mikey pain relief. There is a difference in his demeanor and mobility today, he's even eaten his breakfast without much encouragement. Obviously he's no way near the bouncy bubbly boy we are use to, but I'm at least encouraged that he appears to be in less pain. But of course there has to be a huge spanner in the works, as we do over the week end I measured the blasted growth, it's now 12 x 12 inches, it was 8 x 9 last Saturday. I just can't fecking believe this ... With the rate of growth and pain management I can't see we have a future with Mikey beyond a couple of weeks now and it's fecking killing us!
I feel I have nothing else to write about, nothing else on my mind except Mikey right now. It's so hard to focus on anything else and hard to have any positive thoughts. My thoughts come to haunt me and I cry in bed at night, eventually I sleep .. I wake up, I remember and I cry again! Sometimes it's all so unfair!
There is greater interest in Sammi here. When she has a wee the boys stand behind her and then spend ages sniffing and licking the spot, so things are changing and she's definitely giving off a stronger scent. She is also scratching the spot with her back legs to enhance her smell ... so hopefully it won't be long now. I check her ever day .. so far her "twinkle" is normal, but the boys are really the best indication that change is a foot! Still I guess Sammi likes to keep us waiting!
The oldies are both ok  ... Finlay is the same, eats well, toddles about and poos where he likes! Tali is great, happy with her toys and her kids, even plays with Loki for short periods before telling him  "bog off, I'm bored with you now!"
Anyway whatever the future holds this is my place to confess, share a secret, shed a tear as I write and celebrate the good days. Writing helps me, and this is why Tali's Tails exists, to help me through the hard days and as a record of the beautiful and heartbreaking days of Blanik. I know lots of people read it, but never know who you are .. all I ask is that what's written on the blog, stays on the blog until I choose to share it on Facebook!