Really the emotional breakdown is/was more than the possibility of one missed pregnancy, it's all about Kaiah and the importance of this pregnancy. Stupidly, I guess, I have it in my head that having a Kaiah granddaughter will bring me some closeness to her and help me move on, if such a thing is possible. Once I start thinking about Kaiah, and have time on my hands to overthink, then the nightmare continues for me. The guilt never goes away, but mostly with my canine family I can enjoy life .. till I get a day like yesterday! My need to carry this line on through Siska becomes paramount because it is the only way of keeping Kaiah in the pedigree, Siska is the only entire Kaiah daughter. Yesterday in my head, there was no hope, no other way forward, yesterday it was tears and sadness ... I even made the Beti poster to try and distract myself!
I do worry that I have dug myself into a hole, if Siska is unable to conceive and if Beti has elbow issues then I'm in a difficult situation. I guess I have Orin to fall back on, providing he is ever used again, and that I like the motherline of the litter. It really seems to be dead as regards to studs, and not just in GSD's apparently. I guess if I get desperate there are other Orin daughters, Polly, Abbie, Nica and Mayzee's owner has also been discussing health testing. Should it come to it, there are females out there that carry my bitch-line back to the beginning, from the "I "litter, but losing Kaiah, and Siska from the future of Blanik would be heartbreaking!
