Memories And Thoughts

 As I've said before these Facebook memory pages are mostly wonderful and it's great to see what happened and when. Three years ago I was bombarding social media with photos of a very nervous but sweet Archie Stanley who had joined us earlier that week. Now, I've had some wonderful cats over the years, but he and Jamie must be neck and neck for top of the pile. He truly is a special little chap and he's brought so much happiness and love into my life.

But of course whilst there are wonderful memories, there are also the sad memories and the heartbreak. Yesterday there was a stunning photo of an 11 month old Kaiah, it had me in floods as I read the post. I was so proud to have bred such a female, I feel so fecking cheated and angry about it, I just can't explain myself clearly enough. So yesterday was a tearful day, all I could think about was Kaiah. As I tried to explain it to Steve he said "I thought you were over that now!" Really?  How do I ever get over it? I may have adapted to living with it, but I doubt I'll get over it, I doubt I'll ever really forgive myself for the decisions I made that lost her her life. 

Yesterday evening for the first time in months I talked to Gaynor. Though we may not be in constant contact now the trust and friendship is still strong. Through tears I found myself actually talking about Kaiah, it's not something I do and I had to quickly change the subject, writing/typing about her is one thing, I doubt I will ever really be able to talk about her. My beautiful Miss K, we love you and miss you so much. I explained to Gaynor why it was important for me to have a litter out of Siska, Siska and Kaiah have been constructionally the best bitches here in a long time, they are where I want to be in this breed, constructionally pleasing with great characters, nice coats and enough colour. Yes I have Beti now too, she carries the Blanik line through Orin, but he is Sammi's son and does not carry Kaiah or obviously Siska. I really would hate to lose the bitch line as a whole, but is it really the right time for a litter? 

Siska is due in season within the month, mating her then would mean a litter in January, so no Manchester Champ and no Crufts for anyone. I have to be honest, after Kaiah's litter I'm also concerned about a litter in January and having an awkward vet on call in bad weather. If I left it a season, as I intend to keep another female it would also give Beti time to work her way through puppy and junior classes before the next Blanik female came along. (If I was keeping a male that would not be a consideration) Our health here is also an issue, most of you know that Steve spent another 12hrs in A&E over the weekend and my head and sight issues are still not sorted. Is it really the right time to consider a litter? Would it be more feasible to leave it till next Summer? What is annoying about that is that Siska goes 7.5 months between seasons, so it would be about June by the time she came in season, puppies born late Summer would need selling late Autumn to the beginning of Winter .. that does put people off! Also, because of her age, mating Siska should not be delayed any further than Summer 2024, leaving it further would take her over 4 years and risk the same complications as a 40 year old woman having her first child! I have a lot to think about, I really don't now know the answers ... but a decision will have to be made sooner rather than later!