Another pretty sleepless night, I honestly thought I'd sleep, but as soon as we switched the TV off my brain re-awoke. There is not a lot you can do in the night when that voice in your brain just won't shut the feck up. The tears start to flow and the harder you try to sleep, especially in this horrid heat, the less chance there is you'll nod off. I swear I've never cried so much for so long, I've never felt so broken, so hurt and so cheated of anything in my life. I'm told it'll get better ... here's hoping as I still can't think about her or talk about her without crying, to be honest I'm crying now.
To try and distract myself I think about Beti .. I imagine what she'll be like, of course there is no guarantee that Beti will even be born this year ... but hopefully sometime there will be a Beti at Blanik. I think then about Miss Otis - would the names Beti and Oti be a little too similar in sound? Maybe I'd just call her Otis then! It's so important to get the right sounds to call in pet names, and making sure there is no confusion for 2 puppies is paramount.
I doubt I'll sleep tonight either ... but for different reasons. Tonight I'm staying at Mum's, it'll be the first night I've spent in my childhood home in over 30 years. Mum has had her second cataract surgery today so we all agreed it was best I stay to help her with the dressing and drops in the morning. I'll miss my "family" but hopefully I'll be home for lunch!
Oh, remember the runner and the collie? Well today in the intense heat she was running with the dog along the main road heading out of Fron. The collie was off the lead and in the middle of the road, luckily Steve was concentrating and slammed his brakes or it could have been a dead hot collie and not just a hot one! People are so stupid!
