Memories

9.10am Tick Tock... This morning I'm tearful and exhausted. Why did you not sleep says he? Well yeah, but sadly thing don't always work that way. Thank god I don't have a job to go to today, I could never make it! It's almost 4 years to the hour since I went down into surgery, I was terrified beyond belief. I still remember the kind words of nurses and porters alike, I still remember the fear that these would be my last moments on earth, that I would never see my lovely family and friends again ...I was with it enough to know the seriousness of my situation ..  and I was missing Loki's first birthday!  I'm not sure when I woke up .. hours later and hearing the man who saved my life (Yes it was Dr Khan from Eastenders) saying .. "It all went well and I don't envisage any problems, but she will need to come back in for a stent in a year or so." I remember it so clearly .. shame I don't remember much else these fucking days! Will these memories always haunt me? I wish now they would feck off .. I wish I didn't relive them, hell I try not to but on anniversary's they just keep coming back.  Tick Tock I'm watching the clock and my memories of Dott ward remain crystal clear! Tick Tock
I want to take Loki on a special walk today, but unless there is major improvement I know it's unwise/unsafe for me to drive. Shortly I'll ask the question "can you take us please?" I know he will .. as yes I do want! It's so annoying when I can't do things for myself, maybe it gives me just a taste of how he feels too.
Jezi has noticed my tears this morning, bless her she's being so loving. Of all the dogs here she is the one that has pushed me the furthest, she is the one I almost gave up on. At one point I'm not afraid to admit I hated her, we had to give up Danni because of her and I thought I would never forgive her for that. But years have passed and love has grown. Nico has helped her beyond belief, far more than we ever could, god knows who she would be without him. I'm still careful of her, in any situation the main aim is to keep her safe. Keep her away from other dogs, put her on the lead if there is anyone about. Steve says I'm over cautious, I don't care I can't let her make a mistake, I must keep her safe!
I had an enquiry for a stud for Nico yesterday, but the bitch was not registered or health tested. I said no. The person who asked me was not the owner and they said, but therefore they they will just use anything that resembles a GSD, at least if they use Nico there is a chance of health puppies. Well maybe? With what is ahead the stud fee would be most appreciated right now, but the answer is still no. It's goes against my beliefs ... I try and do it right and so should they! My dog my rules.
Right time to ask the question ... Back later hopefully with photos of Lokus pocus from his birthday walk! Tick Tock