Dear George,

I was sad and angry when I read that offensive article in the Daily Mail last week. The article is just a nasty, vicious attack on you, Anselmo, Kenny and anything that's precious to you. They have lied and twisted every fact of your life.Do they really know anything about you? I can only think that this is just pure spite and jealousy.
Your the sweetest kindest man....Yeah I know, I don't know you personally. But darling George you have helped me out of many a dark place in my life, especially through the most painful year ever for me. Without you to turn to in 2007 I don't know what I would have done. I don't need to turn to the bottle, I've got you to help me through.
I think what gets to"them" is that whatever they throw at you, it just makes you stronger. You have a large loyal fan-base who adore you, a lovely family around you, a gorgeous partner (Scratch his eyes out..lol) and a wonderful career. Long term, why should it get to you?
Freedom of the press...my backside! The fact that they haven't publishing comments which support you is getting to me almost as much as the bloody article! They just refuse to acknowledge the strength of support that you really do have. Dozens of people from GMF alone have added comments...but to no avail. Not one of them has been published!
I'd just love to think that you haven't read the article. Or if you have that your strong enough to just have shrugged it off with a few choice swear words. (and your usually good at them)But my God I'm afraid that if it was written about me or any one close to me I'd be devastated. (As I am for you.) Not just for me personaly, but for the other people that I care for that it's tried to ridicule. The gutter press at it's best....Shame on them!
Dear George you have our support...and you are, as always "The Bigger Man"
Not living my life with other people on my mind
No, not going to hide from anyone
Yes, I'm walking on new air
Just living my life
Better believe I'm gonna get what's mine
Cause I don't have the time
For the haters.
Don't let them tell you who you are is not enough
Don't let them tell you that it's wrong
Or that you won't find love
Don't let them use my life to put your future down
Don't let them tell you that happiness can't be found....

Krizzie 8:7:00 - 11:12:07

Blanik Deeanna
Krizzie Died Today.........Today is Tuesday.
Krizzie had shown no sign of illness until we came home from shopping on Sunday afternoon. In the morning she had eaten normally and had been wrestling with her daughter Tali. I took her temperature, and was upset to find it was 104, she was also very depressed. As I tried to examine her I found several small mammary tumours, which I was sure, had not been there long. Considering our recent experiences I panicked and phoned the Vet, he said I could take her in immediately.
His initial examination showed that she had respiratory problems, hopefully an infection, and she showed pain around her pancreas area. He took bloods and gave her antibiotics and anti-inflammatory tablets. I was to phone with a progress report on Monday morning and take her back on Tuesday.
On Monday morning her temperature was almost normal but she was very depressed and didn't eat all of her food, this in itself being a rare occurrence for Krizzie. On Monday night the alarm bells really started ringing when she didn’t eat at all.
This morning her temp had gone back up, she was pretty much the same in spirits but looked slightly bloated. But as we went to the car for the trip to the vets Kriz bounced out enthusiastically. She sat up all the way there and barked at a jogger who ran past the car as we waited at a junction. This gave me hope that Krizzie wasn’t feeling too ill after all!
The Vet examined her, decided to do a chest X-ray and drain some fluid from her abdomen. The fluid was blood. He immediately decided to do an exploratory operation and found that she had a tumour on her liver, which had burst and was haemorrhaging into the abdomen. He said there was very little left of the liver and there was nothing they could do to save her. He couldn’t understand how she had stayed so well and showed so few symptoms. It was decided that it was best not bring her round from the operation and to let her go peacefully to sleep.
I can't begin to tell you how I feel today. I've never experienced such pain in my life as I have these last few months. Krizzie was only 7 years old. I expected to share her wonderful/exuberant company for many years to come.
As you may know I’m sure I've now lost 4 of my beautiful Shepherds in 6 months and my lovely little Grani left us in April too. Along with ill health in my family this year, it must be the most painful year on record for me. I know there was nothing I could do to change things but that doesn't make it any easier accept. Krizzie died today.....
.....................................................................................................
In May 2000 Seffe was mated to Apollo von Dakota, and in July following a Caesarean I held the little bundles in my hands and dried off their wet bodies. One of the bitches in the litter of 5 had been too large to be born naturally and seeing as Krizzie was the largest pup and living with her over these years I now almost certainly believe it was her.
I christened the bitches Snap, Crackle and Pop, the boys Bill and Ben. I pitied the future owner of Snap, as even at an early age she was exuberant to say the least! By the time they where 6-7 weeks old, with not much between Snap and Crackle, I believed that Snap had the best conformation and therefore the decision was made to keep her. Snap became Krizzie, or Krizzie Pup as she was known till this day!
At around 14 weeks old Krizzie broke her front leg, we don’t know how, she never told us! She spent weeks in plaster, but it didn’t stop her from mischief making. One afternoon Steve was fixing the flat roof when he heard a noise behind him. Kriz was half way up the ladder, plastered leg coming first. I wasn’t home to help him and I still don’t really know how they both got down without breaking at least another leg between them!
Her show career started well, at her first show at 6 months old she was Res. Best Puppy in Show. She was a delight to show, though possibly somewhat too exuberant for the canine society show ring. In her last show at the end of August, proving to the young ones she could still move, she was 2nd in Open under Sarah Smith. (Saracol)
In July 2003 Krizzie gave birth to the Blanik “E” litter of 7 boys and one long coated bitch. (Our much loved and missed Jay being the sire) My initial disappointment at not having a bitch to show was soon forgotten as my “Amazing” Louis has grown to be my closest of friends, and without doubt the Star of the show in my eyes. But still I wanted a bitch to continue my line and in November 2004 Krizzie was mated to Rangemore Arko. The pups were born in January 2005, and guess what? Krizzie this time decided she’d have 8 boys and one bitch. Thankfully Tali (B. Frankie) was short coated and a very promising female.
Krizzie loved her kids; she would jump in to defend Tali or Louis in any situation. Usually under the watchful eye of her own mother Seffe the three of them spent endless hours playing together in the field. I feel they too will mourn her loss. Krizzie also loved people. Visitors where presented with a football and expected to play If they tried to ignore her she would parade with it in her mouth, chattering away until someone finally took notice of her. She particularly loved a couple of our male friends; Frank and Harry were her favourite visitors!
In May of this year Krizzie had a lump removed off her hind leg, she was also spayed at the same time. Though she spent a few hours feeling sorry for herself the following day she was up and off as usual. It was actually hard to keep her quiet.
Without doubt Kriz was physically the strongest Shepherd I have ever owned. There was only her, of all the dogs here, that with an unexpected pull on the lead could take us both off our feet. She was confident, non aggressive and funny. If you believe a dog can’t have a sense of humour, then you've never met Krizzie.
Today I wonder if it's all worth it? This pain is too great for me to see a way out. Four dogs gone in 6 months, my beautiful family ripped in half in less than a year. Surely it must be pain free to have none? Tomorrow I hope I will see things slightly different.
Krizzie died today, she was only 7 years old. She was fit, seemingly healthy and full of life and fun. Why didn’t we know she was ill? Why couldn’t she show us? If she’d have given us some sign that things were wrong, maybe, just maybe we could have helped, done something to keep her with us a little longer. Again, similarily to the way I felt after the death of her mother, I feel cheated and angry, but I don’t know who with. Today I can only feel that I must have been a very evil person in a pervious life, as God knows I’ve "tried" to be a good honest one in this one! I know that tomorrow, or maybe the next day I'll be stronger and think of the years of love and pleasure that Krizzie, like the others that I have loved and, have given me. Tomorrow I will know it's worth it!
Krizzie died today.........Krizzie Pup, my dear friend, be sure…You Have Been Loved

Beautiful George

"So," I thought, what is it about George Michael fans? Why are the majority of us animal lovers? What is it that draws us all together and keeps us all so happy in GMF?

Surely it's mutual kindness, compassion, gentleness and love, just like our man.

The beautiful boy grew into a wonderful man.

Just look at the pictures.....enough said me ffinks!!!!

Celt

This week Celt was taken into the vets to be put to sleep, he had been chasing sheep and his owners felt that this drastic action was the solution. I'm well aware that this is a serious offence in rural Wales; but does the blame lie here with the dog, or the owners ignorance or maybe incompetence? After all who walks a dog off the lead through a field full of sheep without being totally in control of the situation? Luckily my friend Sharon who is a receptionist at the vets persuaded the owners to allow her to try and re-home the dog. Her care and compassion for this dog (and many others) was both genuine and touching.
Celt was a 5 year old unentered male with a nice temperament. He was good with people and cats, though "apparently" slightly unsure of other dogs he had lived happily in the company of another. The prospects for re-homing seemed favorable, that was until on further inspection from the vets it was discovered that the dog had Anal Furunculosis. The owner had given a donation towards the dogs future, this would be used towards the initial cost of his treatment.
I'm lucky, I haven't had much experience with A.F, and hope I never will. I've only known 2 dogs who have suffered from the condition. The first female was 8 yrs old at the time of her diagnosis, her owner opted for surgery; at the age of 12 she was doing well and had had no re-occurrence of the condition. The other was also an older bitch, her condition was well controlled with medication. Obviously this is not always the case but Sharon and I both felt that this dog deserved a chance. Initially the vet felt that Celt was in the early stages of A.F and was optimistic about his future. He said that with this new drug which is cyclosporine based there is now an 80-90% success rate. We discussed surgery which would mean removal of the anal sacks and cryo surgery but he felt "at this time" it was not the best road to follow with Celt. All we could do was give Celt a chance and follow the vets advice.
Arrangements where made to move Celt from the surgery where he had been staying, to a boarding kennels. GSD Rescue had kindly offered to help out with the boarding fees and GSD helpline where going to provide a neutering voucher. Quite a few people where now getting together to help this boy on the road to recovery and the prospects of a new life.
Sadly before vaccinating Celt a vet at the same practice made a more obtrusive examination and found that the condition was far more serious than at first thought. There where numerous lesions in his anal passage. But isn't that the trouble with AF? It looks fine on the surface, but underneath its a nightmare. The disease tracks deep into the tissues, destroys everything in its path, and wont allow itself to heal. It was felt that it was kinder to let him go now before he started suffering. I am sure this was the right decision to make for Celt ~And just for a little while at least he has some real friends fighting his corner. I feel very sad, and Sharon is devastated at the unnecessary death of another lovely dog. If only he'd been diagnosed months ago, if he'd been treated earlier then he would have at least had a fighting chance.
Briefly to end...We are thank full for all the advice and all that we have learnt which may help us in the care of others who are in need in the future.
Nos Da Celt.

Welsh Witch

Lovely photo........ Oh yeah it's little old me, taken yesterday....aren't I beautiful aren't I just!
She with de 2 legs and Afghan hound hare cut said I ad to right, so I am.
What you want to kno? I kno I tell you about the show thing I went to on week-end day. Well I wz first and Louis wz first but he got BOB. Don't tell him but I let him win it cause otherwize he sulk. I saw lots of strange things there, minutre peoples and wrinklee ones, long haired, short haired and even some with baldi tops.
Oh yeh and me has a new mate. He's white and fluffy but he don't kno cos he aint got a mirror. He think he lwks like us....He's dead funny and fat and I can race him in the field. He look dead stupid cos his ittle legs are slo. Still I like him lots.
Today Jake ask me out I told him no way so he ask again and again and again and I bit him for being so cheeky. Mummy Kriz said I was bad but she didn't hear what he say to me....Me shocked....me such a nice girl!
Been out and found Vixen perfume today...lovely brand had a good rolli in it. Go back tomorrow for more!!! Going now, board with this......Byeeeeeeeee
Tali

Father and Son

Louis and Jay ......photo taken January 22nd 2007

Lend Me a Pup

I will lend to you for awhile, a German Shepherd pup, God said,

For you to love him while he lives and mourn for him when he's dead.

Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three

But will you, 'till I call him back, take care of him for me.

He'll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief

You'll always have his memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return

But there are lessons taught below I want this pup to learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true

And from the folk that crowd's life's land I have chosen you.

Now will you give him all your love Nor think the labor vain,

Nor hate me when I come to take my Shepherd back again.

I fancied that I heard them say "Dear Lord Thy Will be Done,

"For all the joys this Shepherd will bring, the risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness we'll love him while we may

And for the happiness we've known forever grateful stay

But should you call him back much sooner than we've planned,

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.

If, by our love, we've managed, your wishes to achieve

In memory of him we loved, to help us while we grieve,

When our faithful bundle departs this world of strife,

We'll have yet another German Shepherd and love him all his life

Thank you to a lovely friend On the George Michael forum for posting this or me.

Jay 21.5.01 - 28.8.07

Following months of illness Jay was not responding to treatment. After finding him in his bed asleep in his own urine and stools this morning I knew it was time …..I made the dreaded phone call to the vets and requested a home visit. There was no way I would consider putting Jay in the car and carting him over to the surgery again. Jay had refused to eat anything, even pilchards, and had flopped on the floor before returning back to his cleaned bed. After an examination the vet said that on top of everything else his heart was now struggling too. We all felt due to his deteriorating condition that it was kinder to let him go with some dignity. Our lives have been shattered once more.
It was February 2002 when along with Harry Wright I collected two German Shepherd pups for re-homing from their totally unsuitable homes. Jet was 6 months old, a victim of a broken marriage and was going to be fostered by Harry and Gill; nine month old Jay came here to stay with us. Up to this point the idea was that both pups would be rehabilitated and re-homed. On collecting Jay we where given his paperwork and I was gobsmacked to discover that he was the grandson of my lovely Dexi. (Blanik Alliance.)
Jay was a non-socialised hooligan who had been fed on weetabix, chips, chicken soup and all sorts of unsuitable rubbish. They hadn’t served him well and he was lean as well as having poor muscle development for his age. After the death of Blade the previous year there was room for another dog in our home, and in my heart. Jay became a permanent member of the “Blanik” family.
Back in April of this year, following a routine wormer, Jay had started to loose weight, had re-occurring diarrhoea and a ravenous appetite. By the beginning of May I was starting to feel concerned and tests revealed that “For idiopathic reasons the balance of his bowel had been disrupted and campylobacter was thriving in his bowel." How did it get there? I guess I'll never know as its main sources are from raw or badly cooked chicken. Other identified food vehicles include unpasteurised milk, undercooked meats, mushrooms, hamburger, cheese, pork, shellfish, and eggs. (and of course the dreaded Tripe) The organism is also occasionally isolated from streams, lakes and ponds. I don't give my dogs any raw meats and any cooked meats they may get are our left-overs. I guess it will always be a mystery as to where and when. My Vet was concerned that a seemingly health 6year old dog had not been able to fight this condition. Still with antibiotics Jay’s diarrhoea cleared quickly and over the next couple of weeks he showed signs of improvement.
Sadly it wasn’t long before Jay started to go down-hill again. He started to refuse food and developed a taste for stones, slate, coal and concrete. (even lifting the carpet to try and eat the stone floor) He was lethargic and more tests revealed he had protein losing enteropathy and chronic anaemia, which by the time the results came through was even obvious to the untrained eye. He was given weekly B12 injections, as well as antibiotics and later steroids. We tried several herbal pills and lots of “health” products but nothing seemed to help. Some days Jay flatly refused to eat anything, except a small slice of liver to try and help with the anaemia, and to be honest most of what he did eat came straight through him anyway.
An honest 65cm at the withers Jay was never a heavy dog, his average weight being 34-36kg. To see him down to 24kg was heartbreaking, but still he was a young dog, so I always hoped for the miracle that never came.
For a while at the beginning of August Jay seemed to improve; he put on 2kg, his colour improved slightly, his appetite increased and his stools became reasonably normal. But over one week, and by last Friday he had again lost the weight he had earlier gained, he refused to eat and slept all day. I think I knew then that we were now living on borrowed time, but as I said earlier I just prayed for a miracle.
Some day I hope I can forget the sad shadow of the dog that I have lived with these last few months. I would like to remember Jay as the clown, the idiot, the handfull that until this illness he truly was. I often said, “if he’d been my first German Shepherd I’d have never had another.” But seriously I blamed his poor upbringing for his rather loutish behaviour and really our “Captain Chaos” was quite a character. The Jay I loved was a loud-mouthed hooligan, but predictably safe in all situations. He never showed aggression or nervousness; he was just a lovable fool.
I remember walking Jay with Dexi when he hadn’t been here that long. He kept irritating Dexi with a silly high-pitched non-stop bark; bark, bark, bark in his ear. Finally Dex lost his cool and pinned him down, the only problem was they were in the lake at the time. I really thought he was going to drown him. I screamed and Dexi let go of him. Jay pulled his head out of the water, his ears hanging down with the weight of the water; he quickly composed himself, ran behind Dexi and gave one loud high- pitched bark….there was just no telling that young lad!
His partner in crime was Krizzie, (Blanik Deeanna) though typically the young female ran rings around him, proving time and time again that she was far more devious and cunning than he could ever be. In June 2003 Jay and Krizzie produced the lovely Blanik “E” litter of 7 dogs and 1 bitch. Blanik Excentric (My “Amazing” Louis) has charmed most people he meets and his show wins are too numerous to mention.
Jay’s own show wins were not to be frowned upon; he went to Crufts twice and got a 4th in SYD on the first occasion and a 1st in the K.C.G.C.D the following year. He was placed in the first 4 at all his Champ shows and was BPD at his only Champ show as a puppy. (Birmingham National, judge- Frank Sanderson in 2002.)
To loose a loved companion is heartbreaking, to loose 2 so close together is devastating. (But still Seffe and Dexi where reasonably old.) To loose 3, in just over 2 months, and one a young lad who should have been in the prime of his life is plain soul destroying.
God Bless you baby Jay; now you will feel no more pain. You have given us so much in such a short time. Rest in peace my darling boy. You Have Been Loved
Steve and I would like to thank Ness at Arden Grange for her support and our Vet Caroline for her hard work and dedication in the treatment of Jay. Also we’d like to thank our lovely friends who contributed in many different ways to making these last few weeks/months easier for us, and more importantly Jay. I hate to think where we would be now without our friends. God Bless you all.

So Why.....

......does Finlay stop on the door-step and have to be invited into the house?

.....and why when I walk briskly towards him does he cower?

Maybe best I don't know but I can imagine, and I guess I'll always wonder!

Now Don't Kid Yourself

I wrote this article for our dog club's newsletter....thought I'd share it with you......

Now don’t kid yourself; yeah, this could be written about you! How quick are you to belittle me for my “other” passion in life? I’ve heard you, a quick remark… “Bloody poof”….or a sarcastic giggle. Do you know how much it upsets me? Do I ask for it? I hope not, but still you feel inclined to comment without tact, or thought that this passion may just be what’s keeping me afloat at the moment. “He” is my escapism, so back off!!!
Hang on, this is a dog club newsletter, where am I going with this? Well if you care to read on I’ll tell you. I sat in that hall one night listening to people who work their dogs in one “sport” laughing and belittling others for showing their dogs, and similarly on another night I heard someone else taking the “Michael” out of the Heel Work To Music enthusiasts. Dog “people” all together in one room with enthusiasm and passion for their dogs, but still they feel the need to criticise and comment. That’s what got me thinking, if we can all stick together and admire each other for our own dog sport then surely it’s a start, how ever little.
You see, what I think is important is that we are here together, a community with something special in common, the love of dogs. We choose to spend our lives with our canine companions. Be it ordinary days at home or special days at shows; events, camping holidays or even a lovely walk in the countryside, the list is endless. Quality time with our dogs, and often our dog friends.
My dog “friends” are the best that I’ve got. Like-minded people whom I love to share my life with. Those fantastic week-ends at dog shows, there to comfort each other when we loose and share in the joy of winning, but each one knowing that the best dog goes home in the car with us at the end of the day.
I don’t work in Obedience Competitions anymore and agility doesn’t do it for me, though I have tried it. Fly ball and Heelwork to music are really not for me but if it’s your “thing” then go for it and enjoy your hobby with your beloved companion. But please do not belittle me for choosing to spend my days showing my beautiful dogs in the company of my good friends.
If this small dog community can’t start to understand each other and support each other within our own interests then my god it makes me worry about the bigger picture. What chance is there of ever eradicating racism and homophobia?
We love are dogs so lets support each other, be happy for each other in what we choose to do. We all need escapism, be it “that pop star” a round of golf or a week-end of fly ball. Let’s be happy for each other and not so quick to judge, after all it’s horses for courses, or dog sports for dog people.So, was this partly written about you? Only you and I know that and I’m never ‘gonna’ tell!!!!!!!!

Meet Finlay

First Photo.........The day "He" arrived

Second photo.....Looking a little better

My Friend Finlay

It had been a very emotional few weeks in my life. I felt like my life was in tatters. To loose Dexi had been bad enough, to loose Seffe 3 weeks later had left me devastated. I cried so much I thought I'd never stop, but with 7 others to care for and love I found I could carry on, but only just! Feeling emotionally unbalanced I returned to work and caring for the animals there helped me to cope with my loss. Then on the Wednesday came a call from a council-run pound. The kennels’ owners may well have denied their statement later; but I was in the room when the call came in and I heard the list of 25 dogs due for destruction on the Friday read out, and later saw it all written down. Cross breeds, Sheepdogs, a Labrador bitch and a white German Shepherd to name but a few. After a quick word with "him indoors" we decided to offer a foster home to the GSD. How could I pick one knowing there was little hope of a future for the others? I even had to refuse the request to take two Labrador crosses as well as I simply don’t have the room. Still the morning was spent texting, phoning and e.mailing to assure a future for the other dogs. Through the hard work and dedication of a few individuals I'm glad to say that within 48 hours alternative accommodation was found for all the other dogs.

It was Friday morning when one of our charities volunteer arrived with the dogs coming to this area. As a GSD enthusiast I’ve had little time for whites, but I do like a black and tan long coat. I remember so clearly my thought when I first set eyes on him. "OMG, not just bloody white but a long coat as well.....and he's full of knots!!!"

It’s not snobbery you know! There are practical reasons why “white” is an unrecognised colour in the G.S.D breed standard. A German Shepherd herding his sheep on the hill needs to be easily distinguished from it’s flock, imagine the difficulties if the dog was almost the same colour as the sheep! Also a white dog working within the forces, (yes, I ’m aware there are a few) would stick out like a sore thumb during night duties. The gene pool for whites is so small that character has to be questioned; especially when the “white” enthusiasts are choosing to breed white to white and avoiding using standard coloured dogs to try and produce pure “snow” white dogs and eradicate cream animals.

As I’m a George Michael fan one of my work mates suggested I call him “Freeek.” (a George song) I really did think about it, but just couldn’t. Eventually I christened him Finlay.

Finlay is most things I consider incorrect in a GSD, he’s white,(well cream)he’s long coated, he’s got small, almost Samoyed like ears, and he’s unbelievably long....... Here’s my head my arse is coming!!! But he’s calm, self assured and totally non-confrontational, funny, bubbly and so easy to live with.

Now I know it's only 2 weeks since I met Finlay but he really is quite a stunning character. To be honest this young man has charmed me. Oops....looks like Rhian “read the breed standard” Stanley has fallen in love with a "white long coat." I keep telling him "you could have been a dead man now you know!" Still I defy any “dog lover” to say that this is not a good-looking dog. He may not be a good example of a GSD but he’s a very good-looking dog. So now that’s how I look at him as a lovely looking dog with a cracking character, I hope others will do the same.

Actually maybe I did the wrong thing for me in fostering Finn so shortly after the death of Seffe and Dexi. The wounds where too raw, I was not emotionally equipped to deal with fostering at that moment. I've let him in, I've fallen for the "white boy." I keep thinking of Seffe and singing the lyrics to "Please send me someone to love," and bursting into tears. Anyway, equipped or not, he's here now and had I not taken him.....well it really doesn't bear thinking about does it.

Today I've decided that I'm keeping Finlay. I really couldn't possibly give him up now. This wonderful dog is helping me heal, basically maybe he was just what I needed. He makes me smile and warms up my heart, his brown eyes and soft expression melt me, and he looks nothing like the wonderful family that I've lost so I will never make comparisons.

How could anyone have even been able to give him up? His owner knew where he was, they had been informed of his plight but they refused to pay the “fine” to get their dog back. Sometimes I really don't understand people, I would go through hell and high water to keep this wonderful dog safe.

I will never breed a litter of whites, and since Finn has lost his “bits” this week an accident will never happen here. I feel strongly about breeding to try and improve on what I’ve got and that means I will always adhere to the breed standard. But still I’ve opened my heart to this wonderful dog as an individual. He is now my friend.You know I find it so strange because in the past some “fosters” have been here for 18 months and I still managed to re-home them. I have fostered GSD's and kittens many times before without any difficulty in letting go when the time is right, but Finlay, well ....He has found his forever home here with me. I guess I needed him when he needed me.