If in future, I'm asked what I recall of Boxing Day 2023 then I'll probably say that a very special moment was sitting on my bum in the wet grass drinking tea and eating a Toblerone in the company of Orin and eventually Siska. It was calm and bright, and since I was wearing oilskin trousers, well it didn't matter did it. I thought that Orin and Siska would run around the field doing what they do, but instead he came to sit with me, his head on my shoulder - though he sabotaged my only effort at a selfie of us together by trying to pinch my chocolate I've still included the photo. I found myself telling him how special he is, how he like his mother came to me at a time when I needed something, and both stole my heart from the nest. I told him to look at the view and to be so thankfully of what we have and what we share, but unimpressed, he stuck his nose in my tea instead.
From the bottom of the field Siska arrived and she too sat next to me, I had one at each shoulder. I told her how wonderful she is too, and that she is beautiful and glamorous beyond compare, but of course my thoughts then instantly went to her mother, and I cried for the beauty that I've been cheated of. Please don't tell me I need to move on, I can't .. Well, I have as regards that I don't feel sick to the pit of my stomach with grief now, I don't cry numerous times a day anymore, but will I ever be able to think of Kaiah without this ache in my heart? Will I ever just remember the good times? I don't know!
