Luther And Co.

It was a year last week since Luther left the rescue centre and joined the clan. He was so cute and confident. Now he's brown from the sun, long lean and lanky but still a proper darling. I'm sure he'll be a hunk when he matures!
Last night I saw Perry at 9pm but he was not there at 10.15pm when I was feeding the other. Perry just doesn't miss meals and I have to admit panic set in. Luckily at 10.45pm just as we were heading for bed he arrived screaming about his missed meal, thankfully I was able to sleep.
I've never been a neurotic cat owner, I accept living with cats is a world apart from living with dogs. A different species, a different lifestyle, different needs. They come and go as they please, Jimmy Choo and Junior can take themselves off for 24 hrs or so .. but not Jamie or Perry, they are always about! Luther as yet has never disappeared so when he didn't turn up for breakfast this morning I was a little on edge. We spent a couple of hours this morning doing Ring Craft in the field, just three of us and our dogs, but it was great. Anyway I came in at 11.45 am, still no Luther .. and instantly I became a neurotic cat owner! I searched, I called for him, I text a friend, I even cried. Just after mid day the heavens opened and in he walked as blase' as ever... "where is my breakfast?"  I didn't know whether I wanted to throttle him or cuddle him, but again I found myself in tears.

Steve keeps telling me I need to get over it and relax with the boys. I've always given the cats free reign to come and go as they please but surely people understand my current fear? The loss of Isla is too raw for me to relax, and when a cat is late now my brain just goes into over drive. I don't think I could cope with going through that again, though writing the post mid week did help me I still have no closure, she still haunts my dreams.
A friend who is currently fostering kittens for rescue keeps sending me photos. OMG they are adorable. I'm sure she means nothing by it, she is just showing me the progress of the litters, but I did tell her that I would not be having one. Maybe one day there will be room in my heart again for another, after all nothing helps you heal like saving a life, but not now, I'm not ready. I guess a tiny part of me still hopes for Isla and bringing a kitten here would be accepting the worse.