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I come across you occasionally in my life, and despite all I know I guess I quite like you. We have very strong differences of opinions, but I have admired you at your age for putting yourself in the position your in. Despite what you say you had choices, and you followed, as I see it, the hardest but most selfless route.
I've seen "The Man" as close as I've seen you. I've seen the eyes beyond the glasses, the colour of his skin, the hair on the back of his hands. I've seen as much of him as I have of you, but studied him much more carefully. God knows I know which one I'd prefer to see on the pillow next to me in the morning ... and because I know your mentality, NO, It's NOT you!
Now go and get your show dogs out of their kennels, take them for a walk, you know one foot in front of the other. Let them know the meaning of fun, let them get dirty and wet and then let them into your home and your heart!