Last night someone young took the piss again. Really it had been quite a day for it. The leg of lamb, the shredded rosette, the disappearing brush and washing basket. You name it, our Beti does it, but she sure brightens the days. Last night at 10.45pm she lay on the rubber matt in the middle of the yard and said .. "I'm sleeping out tonight!" The head tilted as I called her in, but the bottom didn't move! Well I'm sorry Miss B but it's not happening, I got hold of her by the collar and marched her to bed where her bonio was waiting for her, she looked at it, then looked at me as if telling me where to stick it. lol. We had a quick cuddle and I told her how funny she was, how lovely and how sweet and before closing her crate I thanked her for bringing such joy into my life, and then my mind went elsewhere and I cried!
A year ago I was tucking Kaiah up for the night in that very space, you see I can't even type about her without crying. I can't really talk about her, I can't enjoy my memories because the sadness and guilt still haunts me so much. It's not a choice, I'd move on, if only I could. Having Beti here is wonderful, but sadly I never forget why she is here. The little bright spark came to help me heal from the heartache, and my word we have such fun, but those memories still rip at my heart. In just a couple of weeks it will be 12 months since Zoe came to be mated to Orin ... and it's fast approaching 12 months since Kaiah was so cruelly ripped from our lives. I've no memory of feeling such intense sadness at loss for so long before, I've no memory of every, 12 months on being unable to speak a name without welling up with emotion. I've experienced so much loss, Blade, Louis, Kai, Seffe, the list is endless .. but this grief remains on another level.
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