Faith

What made me smile today...
....Dogs, Cats and George

Louis asleep with Jamie

Beautiful George
What more can this woman need?

The last two days haven't been great fun...I hate confrontation but I also hate what I believe to be injustice. A difference of opinion is health but this one had left me emotional and irritable. I'd been sad for days, I had to shake it and move on, so out came the DVD. I cried through "Waiting" - nothing new there I suppose. This was the beginning for me, a red light, a strong yet endearing voice and a closed door. My dream was behind the door, only to enter, filling the room with his huge presence following his echoing announcement, "Is it too late to try again-here I am."

Soon the tears had dried and the smile on my face was only a glimmer of the warmth in my heart. I was back there, in that room, with him. The place where nothing els matters, just him and me and what he gives me. I was under his spell again, and what a wonderful place it is for me to be. I found it hard to control my emotions through "You Have Been Loved," the video played on the screen behind him is just too much sometimes. That much sadness in one life, it puts my emotions right now into prospective I guess. Still I'm here for the emotional rollercostar ride and after the tears I'm immediately taken to another place. The smile returns and leaves me warm and happy. My emotions are now under control and I'm ready to face the world on a more even keel. I benefit from him and everyone around me must surely benefits from this too. I can only hope this makes me a better person, a stronger one at least. I pity the ones who have no place to go, who have no one to help them through the bad days. I pity the ones who sneer and laugh at my escapism, and at my love for a man I can not have...for something that gives me this much in life must be real to me. In the end surely they are the sad people, they are the ones who have nothing, they are the lonely and confused and not me.

My arm reaches out, Louis' warm nose nuzzles into me. Jamie is asleep between his front paws and Kiri lies snoring on the chair. I smile again, life is too short not too. Today I have just what I need in my life and if your not happy with that then it must be your problem and not mine!

Well there ain't no point in moving on
Until you've got somewhere to go
And the road that I have walked upon
Well it filled my pockets
And emptied out my soul

All those insecurities
That have held me down for so long
I can't say I've found a cure for these
But at least I know them
So they're not so strong

You look for your dreams in heaven
But what the hell are you supposed to do
When they come true?

Well there's one year of my life in these songs
And some of them are about you
Now I know there's no way I can write those wrongs
Believe me
I would not lie you've hurt my pride
And I guess there's a road without you

But you once said
There's a way back for every man
So here I am
Don't people change, here I am
Is it too late to try again
Here I am